I Can't Give you Kids
by acceptmyawkwardness
Summary: Percy and Nico have been together for a while now, sneaking in and out of the other's cabin. Their relationship might be a secret, but Percy's desire for kids isn't. Will the realization that Nico can't give that too him be too much? Nico fears he isn't good enough, that he won't ever be enough for Percy. Rated T for language.


Percy woke up to the bright sunshine streaming in through the window, then rolled his head to the side and saw Nico laying there next to him.

A smile broke out across his face. He would never tire of waking up next to Nico. Percy put his arm on his boyfriend's waist, and when Nico still didn't wake from his slumber, Percy started to tickle him.

"Hmm auh Percy... Stop it, would you, I'm sleeping." Nico's words were drawled out and sleepy sounded.

Percy slid closer to him and whispered in his ear, "Nico... How did you sleep?"

A slight smile crossed his features "Well." was his only answer.

"Good, then wake up!" Percy grabbed a pillow and held it as to make a threat, "Don't make me start a pillow fight."

"Would you really take advantage of my half-asleep state?"

"Don't overestimate my willingness to take advantage of a good situation." He had that devilish smile on his face again.

Nico let out a loud groan, and then quickly pulled his pillow into an arc, aiming right at Percy's stomach.

"Oh you little..." And a pillow fight commenced. They were laughing and swinging and then they were wrestling, tiring themselves out before finally falling next to each other.

"Seriously though, I've got sword training to teach in a bit, and you still have to sneak out without being caught."

"Yeah yeah I know the drill, I'll see you later Son of Poseidon."

Percy jumped up and beat Nico to the door, pulling him in by the waist for a kiss. Pressing his lips to Nico's, he tangled his hand in the boy's hair and deepened the kiss. Eventually, they both came up for air.

"You weren't going to leave without a goodbye kiss were you?"

Nico had a slight blush to his cheeks, he still never quite stopped getting all shy at moments like this, and it just wound Percy up even more.

"I'll see you later alright, I wanna get out before more people start waking up..."

"Alright alright, I'll catch up with you later."

Nico gave him a small smile and headed out the door, and Percy watched him go.

* * *

"Alright, swords drawn, just like this, and make sure your shields are covering the center of your body, like so."

Nico was standing in the trees, and only seemed slightly stalkerish, watching Percy teach the sword class to a group of little kids. He loved seeing Percy having dun like that, and Percy did enjoy using his sword.

He kept having the kids mimic his moves, of course the kids were so small that they could barely do half of what Percy was showing them. But Percy still loved to do it. Nico watched for what could have been anywhere from a half hour to two hours. He watched as two kids got into a literal throw down because the one stepped on the others foot. The two were rolling on top of each other in the field yelling and mostly just halfheartedly slapping each other. But Percy strode in and broke them up. Pulling the two kids apart like it was nothing, and holding them away from each other.

"Listen you guys, what are you really fighting over? If you're going to get upset over ever little toe stubbing incident, you'll never get through anything? How do you expect to fight monsters if you lose it because someone might have accidentally stepped on you foot?"

Both the boys lost all desire to fight and were kind of looking down at he ground and kicking grass.

"great, now, you guys wanna see a move I used once to take down the minotaur?"

a chorus of yes's went up in the air, and all the little kids excitedly gathered around to watch as Percy retold the story and showed them some more moves. It was more of an ego boost than the boy needed, yet Nico couldn't help but smile to himself at the picture.

But then Nico's doubts came back into play, his worries and insecurities. He could feel them swelling up from the pit of his stomach and eating at him from the inside. Nico sat down and pulled his knees up to his chest, hugging them.

Nico would never be able to give Percy what he would inevitably want. He'd never be able to give Percy and kids, no little light of his life. Annabeth would be able to give him that, she could give Percy what he really wanted.

Nico's tyrant would have been endless and merciless, but he noticed the kids heading back into camp, and Percy was heading straight for Nico.

"Shit." Nico pulled himself off the ground and waited for his company to join him.

"You really need to work on your stalking there, champ."

"How could you have possibly noticed me."

"Maybe it was the big, flashing, neon sign that says gay."

Nico shoved Percy at his shoulder, but Percy only grinned.

"You know that is suspiciously close to using gay as an insult"

"But it wasn't, because you are gay, and it's written all over you. Only like in invisible ink that only I can see." Percy was grinning so wide that it was contagious.

"Oh come on already, let's go get dinner."

They walked the long way, through the whole woods, so they could hold hands.

* * *

That night, Nico had snuck into Percy's cabin again, they usually only did this the night of big events, when everyone is usually really tired out that night so there's less of a chance to get caught. And they always plan it before hand, this one however, came as a surprise to Percy. Nico too, when he took his hood off and was looking into the tip of Riptide.

"Whoa there, down boy." Nico went cross eyed to look down at the sword in his face.

"Nico! What in the hell?" Percy spread his arms out as to emphasis his surprise and confusion.

"I just... I really wanted to see you, Perc. I couldn't sleep and I just wanted to lay down with you for a little while."

Percy put Riptide away and sat it down, "Yeah no, it's not a problem, come lay down." He grabbed Nico's hand and led him to the bed, and they laid down together, Percy huddled against Nico's back, with both his arms wrapped around him.

They laid in silence for a little while, and Percy gave a tight squeeze, then started to play with the hair on the nape of Nico's neck. "What's wrong?"

Nico laid silent for a little bit longer, taking in the way Percy's fingers felt in his hair and against his neck.

"I just.. I don't feel like... I don't know, I think I just need sleep, okay?"

"Hey," Percy pulled up on his elbow and looked over at Nico, "Listen to me, you can talk to me about anything, I promise. I will always be here alright, no matter what."

After a few moments of silence, Nico answered, "Even if I caught some disease from a monster and I'm going to become some like dolphin or something..."

Percy laughed, and leaned over to plant a kiss on the other boy's cheek, "I always knew I'd end up with some kind of sea creature... " Nico was laughing now, "Curse you Poseidon and your damned genetics!"

Percy laid back down next to his boyfriend, but before he could wrap his arms around him, Nico flipped over to face Percy.

"Hey there, handsome, come here often?"

Nico gave a halfhearted smile, but Percy could tell he wasn't joking right now, so he reached out and brought the other boy's hand up in between them, and he was kissing Nico's knuckles. Nico looked sad and distant as he watched Percy.

It was obvious Nico had been about to say something when there was a knock at the front door. The boys both jumped to attention and were working on their strategy plan. _Only they would have worked out a strategy plan for something like this, _Percy thought with a laugh.

Percy shoved all of Nico's abandoned clothing into his arms, and shoved Nico into the bathroom in the back, "Just a second!" Percy shouted at the front door.

"Okay, put on the clothes you need and head out that window-"

"I know the plan, Percy"

"Sorry, just nervous."

Nico planted a quick kiss to Percy's lips and pushed the door closed enough to be hidden, and hurried into his pants and shirt before climbing out the window. Although he might have waited a few moments, just to see who Percy's almost-midnight visitor was.

Percy opened the door to an angry looking Annabeth, which caught Percy by surprise, for the second time this night.

"You totally had it out for me in the last game of capture the flag."

"Wh... What are you talking about?" Percy was not only shocked by Annabeth, but also worried, because he hadn't seen Nico sneak back into his own cabin yet...

_He must have shadow traveled, smarter and quicker._

"You were gunning for me through the whole game!" She threw her arms up and walked past me into the room, without waiting for even the slightest bit of permission.

"Listen, Percy, I know our break up was hard on you, it was for me too." Annabeth must have felt her approach wasn't working, because she switched tactics quickly and was giving me a sympathetic look and a gentle voice.

"Yeah, I mean things were hard, but I'm passed it now, okay?"

"Oh it's not that easy, Percy..." She sat down on his bed, still wearing the sympathetic look. "It hurts, I know it does, but this is just better for the both of us okay? We've been through so much and I just don't want any harbored feelings, I still love being your friend and spending time with you."

Percy realized Annabeth wasn't letting go of this notion that he must still be a wounded puppy dog, so he figured he should just humor her.

"Yeah I know, I just.. It's hard thinking about it, and what I let go sometimes..."

She nodded and Percy realized he wasn't quite lying, he did miss being with her. Mostly he missed the simplicity of it. No worrying about the terms, the labels, what others would say or think if they held hands. He missed the idea of Annabeth more than Annabeth.

"I just think about what we could have sometimes and I get a bittersweet feeling, you know?" Annabeth remarked.

"Yeah, but like you said, we're both moving in different directions. You are looking for a career, knowledge, studying. All time consuming things. I'm interested in a family, settling down. Maybe at the Roman camp, maybe somewhere else, I don't know yet. But man, can you imagine that? If we had settled down and had ourselves a family..."

There was a crash in Percy's bathroom and both heads whipped up. They moved into action, but Percy pushed Annabeth back, "I think it's just a squirrel, I had an unwanted visitor earlier, that's why the door was closed and the window open. I'll go check it out."

Percy felt like he deserved a gold star or something for the cool demeanor he was keeping, while in his head he was singing a chorus of _shit shit shit shit._

Percy slightly pushed the door opened, and luckily found it empty, but there was a broken shell that had fallen out of the bowl set up by the bath, the window was still hanging open, and Nico was no where in site.

"_Shit_..."

* * *

_Knock knock knock._

_No answer._

_Knock knock knock._

"No one is home... Go away!" Nico drawled through the door. Percy looked at the door quizzically, and walked in anyway.

"Nico... Are you alright... You don't sound to good..." Percy was walking through the cabin, finding clothes and furniture thrown everywhere, pillows littered the ground. The place was a pigsty, to say the least.

"I did _not _say you could come in here..." Nico hiccuped, and pointed lazily in Percy's direction.

"Nico..." Percy was so surprised to see how awful he looked. He didn't appear as though he'd slept all night, his hair was a mess, kind of looked as though he tried to pull it out all night, he wasn't wearing anything but boxers, he was beyond pale with deep bloodshot eyes. Then the smell hit Percy, and he saw the bottle, broken in half, at the end of the bed. "You're drunk!" Percy accused.

Percy then noted all the obvious signs, the curtains were closed shut, so none of the morning light could get in, the messy room, his eyes and everything.

"Shhh.. Let's be quite, okay?" Nico was a mess. Percy picked him up and carried him into the bathroom. "No, put me down! You don't want anything to do with me anyway."

Percy set him down on the toilet seat, after seating the lid down with his foot. "What on earth, Nico, of course I do. Come on, you know how much I want everything to do with you."

Percy was setting the shower for Nico, and trying to take his boxers off of him.

"No, no that's not true..."

"Nico, listen, I was just trying to get Annabeth off my back, she wasn't going to lighten up until I stopped denying what she thought was the truth."

"Annabeth..." Nico was looking off into the distance.

"Listen, Nico, you are the only one I want anything to d with, okay?" Percy was on his knees, holding both of Nico's hands up to his face as he moved closer. "You are what is important to me. So just get in the shower, cool off, I'll make you some coffee and hopefully get you passed Chiron."

Nico didn't argue, though he still looked sad and distant.

* * *

Percy made Nico the coffee he promised, then decided to help out and started cleaning the cabin up. The annual weekly check wasn't for a few more days, but this disaster needed those few more days of preparation.

So while he was picking up laundry and straightening the furniture, Nico stepped out in a towel and tried finding what little clean clothes he had left.

"Are you feeling any better?"

"A little... Everything still hurts but I don't think I'm as out of it as before."

"good, now drink your coffee, it'll help."

"Stop cleaning up my room, will you."

"It needs to be cleaned, inspection is-"

"God, Percy, I am not your child okay, stop trying to take care of me like I am!" Nico slammed his cup on the counter top and yelled as loud as he could to try and make it over his booming headache.

"Zeus all mighty, what is up with you, Nico?" Percy set the clothes he had been holding down and moved to the other side of the counter.

"Seriously? You have no idea what could possibly be bothering me?"

"I mean, I know that hearing the conversation, that you were eavesdropping on might I remind you, must not have been very pleasant, but most of it was just me humoring her."

"Oh yeah?" Nico looked enraged, he backed away from Percy, all the way to the other counter.

"Nico, seriously, I mean sure I miss Annabeth a bit, but I mostly just miss the idea of her, but you aren't seriously jealous of Annabeth, are you?"

"Yeah, actually I am, because Annabeth can do more for you than I would ever be able to, because Annabeth can give you want you want, and I'm- I'm just the sad pathetic little boy, chasing after his crush." Nico was yelling and tears were falling out of his eyes now, but he didn't even seem to notice. He quieted down now, but he wasn't finished. "I'm fooling myself if I think that I'll ever be enough for you..."

"Nico, I don't understand what you're talking about."

"Kids, Percy! I''m talking about kids, For Hades sake, I can't give you that, that life. The one you were fantasizing about with Annabeth. I'll never be able to give you kids, to give you the family you want. If I would've been born a girl, I'd be able to give you everything, but I can't. I can't give you what you want, I never will be Percy."

Percy remembered exactly what he had felt when Annabeth broke up with him. She did it just before they left camp for school, not long after Gaea and that whole war. He felt so completely lost, kind of like the rug had been pulled out from underneath him. He felt like his world wouldn't be the same without her and their relationship. But hearing what Nico just said, and how he looked, Percy felt a million times worse. It felt like his heart literally just broke, shattered and fell into the pit of his stomach.

"Nico, look at me." Percy insisted, and reluctantly the son of Hades turned his head and looked into Percy's sea green eyes. "You, Nico, you are what I want, what I need. You're the only thing I've ever wanted this much, and honestly with you I couldn't care less about whether or not I get kids, because I'll be with you, and that's all I want, I love you Nico."

Nico had a few stray tears running down his cheeks, and Percy's hand was instantly there, wiping them away, only a few seconds passed before Nico threw himself into Percy's arms, and Percy wrapped his around the boy he was in love with.

"I love you too, Percy." Nico mumbled into Percy's chest, and Percy tilted his chin up, and met him in a kiss.


End file.
